A Possible Ending for Pokémon...?

by Matt

You know one of those things that go on, and on, and on...? Well, the Pokémon anime series is just like that! Ever imagined or thought out how it should end? I certainly have! And it ain't pretty! Really!

(Also, please take notice that this story is pure fiction; I've never been to Japan, and I really don't have any idea about Pokémon's production. I also don't mean to offend anyone who reads this, as this is solely for [attempted] entertainment purposes. Thank you, and enjoy!)

I sat there, watching an episode of season four of Pokémon: Johto League Champions. Basically, the last fifty episodes have all been the same; Ash can't get to a gym, Team Rocket has no life, as they probably don't even know WHY they're still trying to capture Pikachu, Brock's pick-up lines continue to be as effective as Johnny Bravo's or the Black Mage, and Misty...well, I don't think she's still following Ash to get her bike back.

I shook my head in disgust, watching this once really cool show sink down to the level of filler. Geez, even I could write a Pokémon episode script in ten seconds.

Perhaps, it's time for this once really cool show to be put down to rest. Creatures Inc are trying to win back more fans by creating new Pokémon, most of which are really ugly and are in serious need of a Sally Jessie Raphael make-over, or become a guest on the Jerry Springer show stating that they slept with the trainer's mother.

Keeping strong ideas in mind, I decided to save enough money to purchase airline tickets to Tokyo, Japan, or wherever the Pokémon animation studio lies. I made sure to pack some extra clothing, and my Japanese language guide. I have key phrases memorized, such as, 'Take me to TV Tokyo', and 'Where the hell is your bathroom'; along with key favourites such as 'Wasabi', 'Baka', and 'Omae O Korosu.'

It was a long trip, as you may know. Jet lag really got to me, but at least the waitress was hot.

Immediately jumping off the plane (after it landed safely in Tokyo airport of course), I managed to get a Taxi and was instantly taken to the Pokémon animation studio. It's amazing, as I didn't have to say anything, yet somehow the driver knew! He makes me suspicious, as he seemed strangly tall for a Japanese person...

I quickly jumped out and approached the front desk, demanding to go to the animation and script studio at once. The two Japanese women looked at each other then looked back at me.

"What..." I said, "is there something on my face?"

One of them picked up a phone and started speaking into the receiver. Oh no, I thought, are they calling security? What are they saying? Damn, I knew I shouldn't have dropped out of Chinese class...although I fail to see the point of how it would help me in my current situation.

After a minute, a man in a nice suit approached me. He said something to me, then showed me the exit. Was he kicking me out? Regardless, I once again demanded to go to the Pokémon animation and script department. He looked at me for a second, then suddenly, his face lit up. Did he understand what I said?

He walked over to the front desk and said something to the two women. He then came back, with a Pikachu plushie in hand. I looked at him strangly; was he trying to bribe me? The traditional way is usually with money, or food. Speaking of which, I was hungry; I haven't eaten since the flight here!

I looked at the man, who was still trying to get me to take the Pikachu plushie. "You may have won this round, but I'll be back!" I then turned around, looking for a place to eat. Using the money I had exchanged at the airport (I still think it's fascinating that I was able to do this when nobody here understands a single word I say), I was able to order a nice meal, which filled me up pretty quickly. (See? Fascinating...)

I quickly stormed back, with my language guide in hand. I looked continuously back and forth from the guide to the woman at the front desk, and asked politely if I could go to the script and animation department.

The woman, whose face instantly turned red, raised her hand and slapped me right across the face! What the hell happened?! I then looked back at the guide at the original sentence, then looked right under with another conveniently placed sentence which said, 'Want to come to my dojo so we can make hot fugu?' along with an asterisk right beside it. I followed to the bottom of the page with the asterisk guide, which said the following: 'ATTENTION: sentence may be misleading; should not be used as a pick-up line. If you accidentally used this conveniently placed sentence when trying to ask directions, then it's your fault for not understanding the language, and also your fault for not looking carefully enough.' Damn, the creator of this guide is sadistic. He also makes me angry.

Still wondering how that following sentence was properly translated and taken as a desperate pick-up line, I cleared my throat and apologized in Japanese, then I asked the correct sentence, which was the direction to the animation and script department. She then gave me a map, and pointed to the floor. How nice of her; she knew that I didn't understand the language!

I took the elevator to the floor, and barged right into the script department. Many Japanese men and some women stared straight at me, wondering what the hell this white man was doing barging right into their work!

I didn't waste any time, and approached all of them. "OKAY!" I yelled. "Things are going to be VERY different around here! I have some ideas for the ENDING of Pocket Monsters, and I certainly hope you acknowledge and follow each and every idea of mine, understood?!"

They continued to look at me like I was some idiot. Well, technically I was, but that's not the point.

One man nodded. "So, you are man sent to help with show, yes?"

Oh my GOD! This man understood what I said! "Yes, thank you! Finally, somebody in Tokyo understands what I'm saying! Anyway." I took out a long list of ideas.

"First of all, your lead role, Satoshi, has no depth to his character. He's just some idiot with no personality. So, I've come up with a clever way to change everything completely! I think that he should get depressed for some reason, and then commit suicide!"

The man who understood me nodded, and spoke to the other writers in the room. Those were the loudest 'NANI?!'s I've ever heard. He then allowed me to continue as the other writers scribbled down my ideas.

"Kasumi, who in my opinion is some nagging bitch, should die of grief, as her love, Satoshi has just jumped off a cliff...or hung himself; you can decide how he kills himself." I cleared my throat, then continued. "I think that since Takeshi never gets a hot chick, should finally get one. Except this time, this hot chick mugs him, and shoots him with a flare gun!"

"So you mean all three characters die?"

"Precisely. I think that the one who will have the most effective and emotional death should be Takeshi, since he's the most liked character!"

"Then...why should it be flare gun? Why not food poisoning?"

"Because explosions are cool." I cleared my throat again. "Okay, that leaves the remaining Pokémon. Since the trainer has died, all of his Pokémon should die as well! Pikachu should get a seizure from playing with a lightswitch, while the others combust in some freak accident! Since too many trainers died in such a short amount of time, the Jolt League should explode, Kanto will fall into a pit of magma, which leaves Rocket Gang to rule the world!"

The others scribbled the ideas down, saying 'Baka' every couple of seconds. They couldn't possibly be referring to me, could they? Nah.

"As for Rocket Gang, the only way they will gain world domination is by COMMUNISM!"

"Communism?"

"You know, that government system that only works on paper."

"I don't understand why we should use that."

"You don't have to understand, it'll all fall into place when you use it!

"Rocket Gang will then choose their new ruler." I looked around at posters of other anime, then pointed to a hamster poster. "How about that thing? It looks cute, yet evil at the same time. I wouldn't trust that thing!"

The script writers gasped. "Hamutaro?!"

"Please, sir, no! Hamutaro is a pure spawn from Lucifer himself! We refuse to put him in!"

"But...you write scripts for that show, don't you?"

He nodded, and the other three seemed to mumble something as well. I think they're in agreement with me. Oh, this should be much easier!

"Thank you all, and hopefully you'll use these ideas!" I left the studio, and decided that it was time that I checked into a hotel room. I found a nice spot with a comfy bed. I wondered how long the ending would take, and how long I would have to stay in Japan. I'm sure I have the money, and if I have to go to school here, so be it!"

The next morning....

I figured out I didn't have enough money to stay a week, so I just used the rest of my money for airline tickets back home. Oh well, at least they promised me that I would get copies of the show, raw of course. I'll have to phone some fluent otaku to help translate as I watch the show.

As the episodes arrived in the mail that very day, I managed to call over my fluent otaku friend. I'd tell you his real name, but if I did I'd have to kill you.

Suddenly, the moment of truth! It turns out that Satoshi admits he has a crack addiction, and look, he's approaching a cliff! He muttered something, as my friend translated, 'I'm going bungee jumping!'

I blinked. "Bungee jumping? No, he's supposed to commit suicide!"

Kasumi screamed at him, because he didn't have a cord attached, and Satoshi died a horrible bloody death on sharp, jagged rocks below. Oh well, at least he's dead. Kasumi then became very grieved, and fainted. Why the heck isn't she dead? She sould be soon.

Brock was then socializing with a baby chick, as his face blushed.

"What the hell?! That's not a chick—oh FRICK! They took what I said literally!"

Suddenly, the baby chick from out of God knows where pulls out a dart gun, and fires it right into Tasuki's chest, allowing him to collapse.

"That's not a flare gun! Where're my explosions!"

As my otaku friend continued to flip out, the following events took place: Pikachu's new obsession is playing with a lightswitch until he drops, and Celebi, who had nothing to do with the show's plot until now, appeared out of nowhere and just forced all of Satoshi's Pokémon to disappear! This is not what I wanted to see. Not what I wanted to see at all.

The Jolt League just suddenly poofed into thin air, as the Kanto league suddenly fell into a pit of red liquidy stuff. I don't know what it is, but it certainly didn't look like no damn magma pit to me!

The leader of the Rocket Gang appeared, and had an announcement to make. He was making Hamutaro the brand new ruler of the world! He's also making promises of peace and happiness to all—what the hell?!

The evil hamster from heck then began poisoning the world. Suddenly, rainbows popped out of the sky, as unicorns gracefully pranced in the open fields, bunny rabbits began to hop around full of joy, and children were laughing and playing together in such a nice fashion.

Suddenly, the words "THE END" appeared on the screen, and the ending credits began to roll. Some Kanji and Hiragana appeared on the screen, as I had my friend translate.

"To the crazy white man who gave us these ideas: the woman at our front desk likes you."

I groaned and buried my face into my hands. That's not what I wanted to happen at all! Where were my damn explosions! Bungee jumping without a cord? Fainted? Shot by a rabid chick?

That was the most twisted ending of Pokémon I have ever seen, it's just like some stupid ending you'd see in a stupid piece of fan fiction by some extremely bored writer who has nothing better to do with his time. I pity those who would be forced to read something as ridiculously absent-minded with plot and just have a whole bunch of crap happen. I really, really would.

I would have never imagined that an ending like that would ever be possible; I think I'm going to go watch it again....

THE END!

To be honest, those ideas were made up with a conversation between a friend and me. It was really late, and you all know what happens when you stay online too late: everything for some reason becomes really funny, and I shake my head in shame, because I just realized how stupid those ideas really were. Sorry for forcing you to read such horror, folks; would you like to read it again? ~_^